Sometimes I find myself staying busy and convincing myself that the rape never happened.  Sometimes I can't get the rape out of my head.  These are times that I look for arms of comfort to hold me tight.  I feel safe when I am with my two boys.  They are the most important people in my life.  The arms of my husband are not the same as holding my sons or being held by them.  I don't want to say I have anger towards all men, but honestly, maybe there is a chance I do right now.  

I wonder if this is normal?  I wonder if it would be abnormal if I didn't feel this way at times?  Then again, what is the definition of "normal"?  

My emotions have been on a roller coaster this week.  I find myself in tears and I don't even know why.  I mean I know there is hurt inside, but what exactly makes me sad at that moment, I can't put my finger on it.  I do know that the rape has made me feel less confident than I used to be and sometimes I feel flat out unattractive since it happened to me.  

Well, like I said - some days are better than others.  Today just isn't one of my best days.